Vision Quest Preparation

               Sometimes our lodge members go out on vision quest.  It’s not a spur of the moment thing; someone who wants to go out has to prepare for at least three months.  It isn’t something a person can do alone; they have to enlist experienced help, if only for logistics.  There are all kinds of reasons to go out.  A person may want some guidance and clarity about their life.  They may want the spirits to provide them with a good shove upwards in their growth.  They may yearn for closer connection to the spirits, other beings, and Creator.  Everyone usually hopes for a vision.  The most important reason to go on vision quest is a deep conviction that it is necessary. 

Whatever one’s reason for going, it is best to stay completely open, be alert for what is happening and expect only the unexpected. The first time I went out I wanted a vision in the worst way.  Little did I know my desire virtually ensured I wouldn’t get one.  On the last day a hummingbird flew up, buzzed around me, and then flew away.  Hummingbirds have been known to carry visions.  “My vision, you’ve got my vision!” I was so mad that there was a vision and the spirits wouldn’t give it to me, I almost didn’t do a ceremony of gratitude when it came time to leave.  From somewhere, a little voice of sanity whispered in my brain, “No, you need to do it.”  So I did, and I understood that the lesson I needed wasn’t in a vision.  It was about expectations and trust, and being grateful for a wisdom that is higher than my own.  I never forgot it.

There are two unavoidable aspects of vision quest that can be daunting.  These include not eating for four days and being alone with one’s head for four days.  Probably for Native people before the last century, going without food for that long wouldn’t have been a big deal.  The people in those days probably had to put up with not having much to eat fairly often.  In modern culture, we’re not used to that, and it feels pretty awful to be without food.  One person asked right before she went out, “Can you really go without food for four days?”  Fortunately, from experience, I could tell her yes.  I don’t know whether it was easier for the people of old to be alone with themselves than it is for us today.  I’m guessing it was, because of all the distractions we have readily available to us that they did not have back then. 

When we go out, we don’t take a cell phone, pencil and paper, or anything else to keep busy with.  Someone asked me once if I was taking a cell phone, “in case something happens.”  For me that would sabotage the experience.  If the situation wasn’t real; if it wasn’t just me out there alone, risking it all with the spirits, I wouldn’t have to face up to anything.  Nonetheless, my nightmare is someone will die while they are on vision quest.  Sometimes I think we should stop helping people do this anymore.  Whatever reasonable steps we take for safety for ourselves and others, in the end we can only do what seems right and turn the rest over to Creator.

The first person who ever went out on vision quest from our lodge was moving the next week and wanted to do one before he left.   My husband said, “Sure.”  We did a one-round, seven stone sweat for him, which is considered to be the doorway into the spirit world, and out they went.  When our friend came back, he reported that he slept most of the time, and was obsessed with food and water.  He still had a powerful and inspiring experience.  I remember his telling about the ravens flying overhead, crying his name.  Right from that moment, I knew I had to go out too.  However, over time we’ve figured out that the more we put into preparation, physically, mentally and spiritually, the more we get out of it.

The first thing to start is weekly fasting.   I do 24 hour fasts up until the last month, then a 36 and a 48. Then I take a week off right before I go out so I will be in good shape.  The older I get, the more worn down I become from fasting, so I don’t want to take it too far.  The young people usually have no problems with it other than feeling tired and not being as focused mentally.  It is best to plan fasting around work or exams.  Everyone takes it differently.  One individual routinely fasted for 60 hours during preparation and never felt tired at all.  He’s a really big guy, and lost 40 pounds while he was at it, which pleased him no end.  It is important to do a 48 hour fast to feel confident.  You would think that as time goes on you would get hungrier and hungrier, but that is not the case.  After about 30 hours or so, the body seems to figure out that nothing is coming and gives up asking for it.  Some people don’t drink much water either, but since I stay active, I do. 

               The next thing to begin right away is making prayer ties.  Prayer ties are little cloth bundles containing tobacco, tied every five or six inches along a string.   They look like little ghosts.  The ultimate fate of prayer ties is to be burned in the sweat fire, so they need to be made out of something burnable like cotton.  Classically, the colors used represent the six directions: East; South: West; North; Father Sky: Mother Earth.  Those colors are, respectively: Yellow; red; black; white; blue; and brown or green.  This isn’t set in stone.  For one thing, different tribes and individuals within tribes don’t agree on what the colors should be.  I like to cut up old clothes and use them to recycle and save money.  I think this is respectful of Mother Earth, and results in a whole lot of interesting colors.   Some people don’t like to use tobacco because they associate it with cancer.  They use sage, sweetgrass and other herbs that are meaningful to them.  If someone is trying to quit smoking, this is the best way to go.  We had one person who hadn’t had a cigarette in a month get in trouble that way.  He opened up the big can of American Spirit, saw the rolling papers, and the next thing he did was make a cigarette and light up.

               Prayer ties are for meditation and prayer, like saying the Rosary.  Traditionally, one should make 405 of them for some reason.  By the time someone is about to go out, they are usually feeling pretty nervous, and want to do everything by the book.  It occurs to them that this thin line of prayer ties may be ALL THERE IS between them and who knows what.  I was feeling scared the last time I went out, so I think I set the world record for number of prayer ties.  I didn’t count them, but it was probably in the thousands.  When they are being made, they have to be wrapped around a piece of cardboard or something to keep them from getting all tangled up.  They have to be unwrapped out at the site, forming a prayer bin, where the person is planning to be most of the time.  If they do turn into an impossible prayer tie wad during attempts to unwrap them, I would recommend pulling chunks of it apart and putting them in the four directions.  And take heart.  Nothing that happens on vision quest is random, or an error.

Each time a tie is made, it is accompanied by a heartfelt prayer for someone or something. They can accompany parts of a formal prayer, such as the Serenity Prayer, asking Creator for serenity, acceptance and wisdom.  Any good prayers such as gratitude, desire to be of best possible service, and requests for assistance may go into prayer ties.  When the prayer ties are done, we recommend taking them into the sweat, and praying that all these prayers be heard by Creator.  Being in the sweat seems to energize them, making the bundle a sacred object.

Since we are a clean and sober sweat lodge, it goes without saying that there are no drugs or drinking during preparation for vision quest.  Quitting smoking and caffeine are recommended because going through withdrawal during vision quest would be distracting.  In addition, there are few things that propel self-awareness and personal growth more than stripping away chemical and behavioral insulation between oneself and inner and outer reality.  I stopped eating wheat a couple of weeks ago for health reasons.  At first it felt great.  I felt lively and more mentally clear.   In the last couple of days, however, I’ve started feeling desperate for those good little moments of snack-time oblivion.  I have clearer access to feelings that need processing, so I’m doing that instead.  I’m already grateful.  I know I’ll get used to it.  I don’t know why there has to be a tradeoff between self-medication and growth and connection with Creator, but there it is.

               When someone makes the decision to go on vision quest, in some respects, they are already out.  Things get very weird around here when I’m getting ready.  I know I need to pay attention to unusual animal encounters or visions. The spirits are serious about vision quest, and they send messengers like that to tell us things.  I was working on doors this summer, and had one open.  I was minding my business, working on a wonky door frame, when a lost dog walked in.  She was scared of being alone, and very happy to come into a house.  She didn’t have a collar, and every time I tried to direct her back out the door, she collapsed inertly on the floor:  A big, fat, doggy wad of passive resistance.  Finally I got her out, but it wasn’t easy.  It hit me that this is the exact same thing Creator probably thinks about me.  I never do what Creator wants me to do until there isn’t much of a choice.

When I decide I’m going on vision quest, I do a ceremony to express my commitment.  I vow to the spirits I will prepare to the best of my ability in order to be of service to Creator and my fellow human beings.  I express profound gratitude at this opportunity and humbly request assistance from the spirits.  Once I do that, I won’t back out. 

This year I hadn’t planned to go out.  It takes me about two years to process a vision quest, and I had already been out the year before.  Plus I had a lot of fear around it.  I’ve developed a fear of scary animals in the dark, and the site I was thinking about looked like a critter superhighway. I kept thinking in the back of my mind that maybe I would back out.  At night when I woke up, I imagined myself out there in the canyon full of scary animals.  It seemed impossible that I could do it, and furthermore the voice of fear convinced me I didn’t want to.  One night I was feeling the fear, but this time I saw myself stoically enduring any amount of fear.  Where that vision came from, I don’t know.  Maybe I was getting some assistance from the spirits.  I decided then and there, to commit.

The next day I went right out to the fire pit, made a little fire, and smudged myself with purifying herbs.  I smoked the pipe in the six directions, and prayed to Creator and the spirits.  I felt the joy and approval of the spirits all around me, to an astonishing degree.  My heart lifted.  I think they knew I needed encouragement.  Right when I was finished, stamping out the coals, I heard a big fly buzzing around inside the fire ring, repeatedly bumping up against the fire screen on top.  It bounced and bounced, here and there, trying to find a way to fly up and out.  Eventually it gave up and perched on top of the stone wall.  I thought, “Brother fly, you had better find a way out before we have our next sweat.”  I understood what this meant.  I knew exactly what it meant.  I have recurring dreams where I am trying to fly upward to freedom, but there is always some barrier blocking me.  This was the spirits’ way of telling me that if I don’t do what Creator wants me to do, things will not go well for me.  So I had a carrot and a stick to keep me going.

               We don’t suggest anything for preparation that we don’t think is useful.  Tying prayer ties puts a person in a meditative frame of mind, conscious of gratitude and love for All That Is.  Picking a site helps a person get in touch with intuition. Often the right site will have a feeling of head-crushing silence when you walk up to it.  I was helping a person locate her site, and we walked up to a juniper tree where there was a lot of head-crushing silence.  “It’s nice,” she said, “but I was thinking about that field along the road back there.”  So back we went, and she found a place she liked.  I didn’t like it.  I thought it was too exposed to people driving by, which I don’t think is safe for women.  I didn’t know what to do.  I had never vetoed a site before, and I didn’t know if I should.  As it turned out, she had a family crisis and wasn’t able to go on the vision quest.

Getting up early and doing a dawn ceremony every morning builds discipline and awareness of the spiritual power of nature.  The person going out is also responsible for getting the stones for their exit and re-entry sweats.   Getting stones is fun, and introduces paying attention to something that might not normally be expected to have a spirit in it or a message.  Some of the stones seem to say, “I’m one you should take.”  We bring them back and put them in a pile near the lodge.  There, they radiate a sense of being that provides assistance and a message for the person going out.  This summer two of us were going out, so there were two piles of radiating stones.  One contained a sense of exalted, barely controlled power.  Wow!  The other one (mine) was just sort of all-is-well cheerful.  I could tell we were in for radically different experiences.

               Service work is a reminder that the overriding goal of vision quest is to be of better service to others.  Leading lodges before going out brings up unexpected ego issues and is a reminder that leadership is not about being all that.  It is actually hard work, performed at Creator’s behest.  One young woman described it thusly: “I’m just a pouring arm, man!  The spirits do everything!”

Vision quest is not right for everyone.  Sometimes people aren’t ready, and this comes out during the preparation.  Maybe they have misconceptions or issues that would make it harmful or not useful to them.  They may have too many other things going on to make it a priority.  Health and medications are important to consider as well.  It may be that fasting or water restriction needs to be adjusted, or it may just not be possible.  Many people live in places where there are no sweat lodges or places to do vision quest.  In these cases, I would recommend doing what one can.  Dawn ceremony and prayer ties can be done anywhere.  Love and respect can happen anywhere.  It is actually very traditional to make the best out of what is available.  If the only wildlife around are pigeons and alley cats, these beings can be honored and respected as brothers and sisters, loved by Creator.  Even if the stars are never visible, they are there, as are the sun, moon, and Mother Earth.

Here is a prayer, adapted from St. Francis: Praise be to the sun, and the moon, and the stars,  and the wind and all kinds of weather.  Praise be to the plants and the animals.  Praise be to air, fire, earth, and water.  Praise be to Mother Earth, Higher Power, and All My Relations.