Honoring Elders

Honoring Elders

As I have gotten older, I have found this stage of life can be more about gaining things of value than losing them.  I am deeply grateful to have less annoying excess energy that perpetually demanded I do rather than be, self-absorption, future-orientation, fear, conflict, and worldly attachments.  Blessedly, what I have gained from these losses is ability to set aside personal concerns in order to be present for others.  

When the stones are brought into the lodge, we put sacred, purifying herbs on each one and say, “Welcome Grandmother and Grandfather.” We did this at first because it was traditional.  I then discovered the stones really are like grandmothers and grandfathers.  They want to help us and do not mind that the fire changes them and cracks them apart.  When I listen to the stones, I sense their ancient wisdom – that all knowledge is contained within them.  Lately at the end of the lodge, they have bathed us with gentle, loving warmth, which I therefore know we must need.  After the stones become too small to use in the sweat, I break them up in the driveway.  People tell me when they drive across them they feel like they have entered into a sacred space. 

In the fourth round of the lodge after all the stones have been brought in, we pray in honor of the children, ancestors and teachers.  In this way we offer loving best wishes for those who will continue after us, and respect and appreciation for those who came before – our elders.  Sometimes people say, “It was my grandmother who saved me; she loved me unconditionally,” or “My grandfather was always there for me.”

It wasn’t something I would have guessed, but young people in particular are eager to have elders in their life who care for them and are worthy of respect.  Charlie once mentioned to me, “They watch our every move.”  It turns out that among other things, the young people want to know what loving long-term mated relationships look like.  They feel comforted and inspired that this ideal exists.  Oh dear.  It is a good thing we have been working on it for a long time.

               At the traditional lodge Charlie attended years ago, a Navajo elder known as Grandpa John came early every week to set up and tend the fire until the others arrived. It was difficult for the other members to get there early because they had to work, so he did it. 

He stacked the stones in a pile.  With prayer and sacred thoughts, he honored the stones, the ancestors, and the sacred directions.  He then built the fire over the stones, lit it, and kept it very hot until the stones were ready -- usually a couple of hours.  Fire-tending is hard work, but there can be no lodge without it. 

Grandpa John was no longer bound by self-seeking ambition.  He performed this task solely out of love for the spirits and this beautiful and good ceremony.  His purpose was to help the younger members on their life journey.  He never participated in any ego-based wrangling, and was the first to welcome Charlie, once satisfied with his character and dedication. Grandpa John passed into the spirit world about a year ago.   This writing is dedicated to him and all elders who lovingly serve. The spirit of unconditional love yearns to give forward.  This is the secret, unquenchable power of the elders.